random thoughts- boggling of mind…
After two and a half years of having a child, today I have finally become a mother. I have finally made a decision that is solely in the best interest of my daughter. The taste of sacrifice is bitter-sweet indeed.
Reaching the decision to be a stay-at-home mom almost landed me in a mental home. I have never experienced such conflicting views as I have about putting my daughter in school. After a trial period of two weeks, I realised that school is not the best thing for her.
So I’ve quit my almost perfect half-day job to be at home with her. We will be poor, the domestic help will not have a job too, and my brain will probably rot at home. But I am doing it for my daughter.
It feels ok. To be in this position of- no position. It feels ok to be a house-wife, sorry if the term is outdated. I am scared, I must admit. But not desperately so. No, I don’t think I’ll be a desperate, uh, housewife.
If this does not work then at least I gave it a shot- I can say that I did not dump my child at an institution merely for my own financial and social benefit. I never wanted to be that kind of mother. I wanted to be a soccer-mom. The kind that revolves her entire life around her kids.
But I wasn’t reared to be that person. Instead I was raised to succeed in a career, find a good job and be ‘independent’. Yet as a mother one can never really be independent as one will always have dependents.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done- motherhood.