It’s the last time that I sit inside Masjidun Nabawey. At least for this journey of hajj. I thought that I would be experiencing deep emotions- sadness, anxiety, total withdrawal. But to my amazement, I am completely calm.
I visited the Rawdah and the kabr for the last time to say my farewell greeting last night and I knew that it would be a while before I returned, insha Allah. Despite it all I am ready to embark on the next step of my journey: my first umrah.
Excitement gurgles inside me just as I think about seeing the kabah for the first time, completing my first umrah, the five days of hajj. Ultimately this is the reason that I made this journey, that I left my two-year old daughter, my home, my family and my job, for seven weeks: to ‘labayk’ in the presence of my Lord.
I don’t know if it’s normal to be feeling excitement instead of compete sadness to be leaving Medinah. I don’t know how I’m supposed to part with Medinah- the proper etiquette as taught by a learned shaiykh. All I know is that I am ready for Makkah!
I am ready to chant: “Here I am, oh Allah, here I am.” I am ready to be washed clean of my sins, I am ready for my heart to be cleansed, my book of deeds to be cleansed, and my life to start on a clean note.
It is up to Allah to accept my lame attempts at worship, but I have faith and hope in His Acceptance, and in His Mercy. May He take us there safely, hearts bursting with hope, joy, love and at peace. “Labayk Allah huma labayk!”